Aging Jokes ( Page 5 of 10 )

A competition was held in a cultural program to control from laughing for jokes. The competitors were tested for their hearing abilities. Out of fifteen contestants, 10 have gone in the first round as they could not hold back the rippling laugh that gushed from inside. 4 were out in second and third round of it. One person was standing without a symptom of laugh slipping from any corner of his mouth. After all the jokes were exhausted and only one minute was left out of one hour time limit, the tough guy could not help bursting in laugh and lost the competition.

Everyone got surprised. They asked the contestant what made him laugh at that last moment that too for a silly joke? Then the answer came as a second surprise for them.

It was the first joke that was narrated one hour back! It took him one hour to understand it and the moment he understood it, it gave him uncontrollable giggle!

(SriJa)

In a divorce court a woman told the judge:

"Your honor, I want to divorce
My husband."

"But why?" asked the judge.

She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."

The judge asked, "How do you know?"

She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

Aaj ka pathi dev;

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die,

I want you to marry Samy."

"Samy! But he is your enemy!"

"Yes, I know that. I've suffered all these years; so let him suffer now."

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.

A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors` houses had been
robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, `I need a good guard dog. `

And the clerk replied, `Sorry, we`re all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.’

The wife didn`t believe him so he said to the dog, `Karate that chair.’

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, `Karate that table.’ The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said `Karate my ***!’?

I stair into your beautiful brown eyes,
I can feel the blood rushing throughout my body.
And as I brush the hair out of your face,
I slide my hand down your soft slender cheek,
as my skin touches yours, our hearts beat faster.

As you run your hands through my hair
I lean towards you,
I breathe you in.
And when our eyes close, our lips meet.

Our kiss is soft and wet,
smooth and warm,
sensuous and passionate.

The kiss hits our whole bodies like a tidal wave.
We both feel all of our emotion at once,
its a feeling words cant describe.
As we pull away, you look into my eyes
and I look into yours,
we smile realizing that was our first kiss,

And it wasnt going to be our last.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit.  Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals.  If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates:  If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
-   English well talking.
-   Here speeching American.

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS..!
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back...!
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss..!
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.

Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."

The General manager is setting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his General manager all at the same time!"

A woman boards a bus with her baby. As she boards, the driver says "Wow that is one ugly baby."

The hurt woman sits with beside an old man.  The old man asks "What's wrong you look disappointed?"

She replies: "The bus driver just insulted me."

Old man says : "He's a public worker and should give you respect, take his batch number and complaint against him. Meanwhile, I'll hold your monkey for you."

My wife always told me that if I wanted breakfast in bed, then I would have to sleep in the kitchen

Husband: Do you know that John who lives next door has two girlfriends unknown to wife.
Wife: Who is the other one?

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.

Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."

The General manager is setting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his General manager all at the same time!"